Attachment Theory
Attachment Theory: Understanding the Patterns That Shape Your Relationships
Why the past still matters, and how insight can change everything.
Have you ever felt like you are repeating the same patterns in relationships, even when you want things to be different? Maybe you pull away when things get too close, or feel panicked when someone you care about becomes distant. These emotional reactions might not be about what is happening now; they may have roots in earlier experiences.
Attachment theory helps us understand the emotional templates we develop in childhood, templates that continue to shape how we relate to others as adults. When you understand your attachment style, you can begin to loosen the grip of old patterns and open up to more secure, satisfying ways of connecting.
What Is Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory was first developed to explain how infants bond with their caregivers, but its insights extend far into adulthood. Our early experiences with closeness, comfort, and emotional attunement influence how we seek intimacy, handle conflict, and manage vulnerability.
There are several primary attachment styles:
Secure: You are able to depend on others, and they can depend on you. Emotional closeness feels natural and safe.
Anxious: You may crave closeness but worry about rejection or abandonment. You might become preoccupied with your relationships.
Avoidant: You tend to value independence over closeness and may pull away when things get emotionally intense.
Disorganized: You might long for connection but also fear it, often experiencing conflicting emotions in relationships.
These patterns are not fixed, and they are not flaws. They are adaptations, shaped by how we learned to get our needs met. But if your attachment style is causing distress in your relationships or inner life, therapy can help you understand and gently shift those patterns.
How to Recognize Your Attachment Patterns
Not sure where you fall? Here are a few reflective questions to consider:
Do I often worry that people will leave me?
Do I feel uncomfortable depending on others, or having them depend on me?
When conflict arises, do I tend to shut down or become overwhelmed?
Do I sometimes feel deeply reactive in close relationships, even when I try not to?
These patterns are not about blame; they are about understanding. Noticing them is the first step toward meaningful change.
How Therapy Can Help You Heal
Attachment-based therapy offers more than just insight; it offers the experience of a different kind of relationship. In therapy, the relationship itself becomes a healing space: a secure, consistent place where you can explore your fears, needs, and emotional history at your own pace.
Together, we will:
Explore the roots of your attachment style and how it may be playing out in your life now.
Understand the emotional patterns that shaped you, and the ones you want to shift.
Build new experiences of connection that feel safe, mutual, and emotionally honest.
Over time, many clients begin to notice that relationships feel less fraught, that they can tolerate vulnerability with more ease, and that they are better able to advocate for their emotional needs without fear or shame.
An Individualized, Depth-Oriented Approach
In my work, attachment theory is not a rigid framework; it is one lens among many. I integrate it with a psychodynamic and psychoanalytic approach, paying close attention to your unique story, relational history, and inner world.
Therapy is not about “fixing” you; it is about understanding you, so that you can relate to yourself and others with more freedom, clarity, and compassion.
You are Not Stuck; You are Learning Something New
The way you relate to others was shaped by real experiences. But your story does not have to end there. Therapy offers a chance to write new chapters, ones grounded in connection, trust, and emotional honesty.
Contact me today for a free 20-minute consultation.
Let us begin the work of understanding and healing, together.